Nonexistent Justice.

My reasoning for being excessively pissed off right now:
Last night, after a tough week of constantly working/ studying my twenty year old sister, Jade, finally got to have a night to go out clubbin' with her friends.
She had just arrived at a club after going to a friends house and doing a bit of ecstasy ~not the best choice, but a harmless one.
She and her friend, who had been drinking a beer at the moment, were getting their things and about to get out to enter this club called Episodes. While she was doing so, a couple of cops came by and shined a light into her car, told Jade and her friend to get out of the car and promptly arrested them. Why?
They asked them to get out, because there was an open beer bottle that my sisters friend was drinking, they arrested them because they found an EMPTY baggy with residue in it.
One of my sisters friends called my mom and let her know what was going on.
Now, why am i incredibly pissed right now?
My sister is

a scholarship student, making straight A's at FSU. She has never gotten any speeding tickets, driving citations or anything. She has never even got any dress codes, detentions, referrals, or ANYTHING EVER in middle nor high school.
She wasn't harming anyone, except maybe herself, and the cops had NO, and i mean ABSOLUTELY NO, reason to walk up to her car and shine a light in.
The law states, that a cop needs REASONABLE SUSPICION to walk up to someones car and ask them to get out. Let alone do ANYTHING to ANYONE.
However, there are rapists and murderers and molesters and grand thieves out there getting away because two crooked-ass cops who are just desperately trying to reach their monthly quota, decided to put a harmless twenty- year old straight A scholarship student behind bars.
This is NOT justice.
Oh and to make it worse? The cops lied 3 times in the report about things my sister said and did. And do they give any fucks at all about how they probably just ruined my sisters entire life? If she is found guilty she can get up to 5 fucking years in prison.
My sister is my idol. I love her to death because she fucking had been with me through every bullshit thing I've been put through in my life. She's supported me and loved me when everyone else has turned on me. When my father looked my mother in the eyes and lied to her for years about having an affair, and ultimately ruining my family, my sister was the one telling me it was all going to be okay.
I can't lose my sister.
But do these two crooked cops care about any of that? No. Why? Because they get to walk away with smirks on their face knowing that they just added to their quota. And not get shit about it.
Justice doesn't exist anymore. And if it does i would certainly like to be proven wrong.
Last night, after spending $1,100 to bail my sister out of jail ~so much because apparently what happened was a felony. She told us about a girl who was in the holding cell with her.
This girl has two rods in her back. Why? She got in a massive car wreck when she was younger. She got arrested for having VICADIN, a severe painkiller, that wasn't hers. She was one turn away from being at her parents house, with her loving boyfriend, and all of a sudden the sirens sound. She gets pulled over and searched and they found the vicadin and arrested her.
This is such fucking bullshit.
Now, the ultimately disgusting parts about all of this. I'm not leaving details out so some may just want to skip this paragraph.
After taking my sister to the jail, the cops proceeded to STRIP SEARCH my sister.
These fucking crooked ass cops had the nerve to strip search my sister and put their hands all over places where they have no business being. While, my sister was on her period. She was also promised a pad, which she never received. And now my family has to spend money we DON'T have, during an economic crisis caused by BULLSHIT, to hire a lawyer we shouldn't even NEED, to save my sisters ENTIRE life.
Justice no longer exists. Not in my eyes.
When two crooked ass cops can do this to someone like my sister and that girl in the holding cell with her, and get away with it and ultimately not give any fucks, that's when i know.
JUSTICE IS NO LONGER REAL.
This nation is coming to shit. Due to ignorant ass people and the fact that we can't even have people enforcing the LAW CORRECTLY, we are all screwed. America will one day collapse in on itself unless this bullshit changes.
My sister is studying to be a therapist for children with autism and other birth defects and whatnot. All she's ever wanted to do is help people.
She' a smart girl and a good person and she, nor the rest of my family, deserve any of this bullshit.

I cannot begin to express the amount of anger I have right now.
This needs to change.
America needs to change.
Justice needs to change.

Change is inevitable. I only hope it's for the better. Otherwise, we're all screwed off our asses. Forever.

I hate [almost] everyone.

Welcome to high school.
Where no one gives a fuck, yet everyone cares.
Where love is just a four letter word, and happiness comes at one hell of a price.
Drama is inevitable. No matter where you go. I've realized that recently.
And almost all anyone will ever do, is hurt you. ~But that is a part of life.
Genuineness is hard to find in people these days. ~But I'm hoping there's someone out there.

High school.
It makes me hate everything yet feel happy at the same time.
Today, when I stood in tears for hours, i had people come up to me, who had barely talked to me, some people who I'd never even seen before, and offer me tissues and a hug, or ask me if i was gonna be alright, I realized that there is hope for humanity. ~it's just a shame that it takes so much to see that.
This past week, i fell for a guy who gave me everything i wanted, and was everything I needed.
He was amazing. In every possible way, to me at least.
But he'd just gotten out of a relationship with a girl he dated for a year and four months.

I didn't expect him to just let go of her. How could he? It's never that easy. ~ But it's always so simple.
So we dated this past week. And i fell for him, and i mean head over fucking heels for him. And i thought he did the same to me, and according to him, he really did.
But in the end, love is love. And it always triumphs. And he loves her. And she loves him.
So as long as this makes him happy, then I'm glad he did what he did. Everyone deserves happiness. Though it's difficult for anyone to achieve. Everyone deserves it, no matter what. ~and i firmly believe in that.
But I will do whatever it takes to make me happy. That's what life is about, isn't it? Finding happiness.
I mean everyone spends their entire lives just trying to be happy with their life. Few people actually achieve it, most just live in gentle ignorance.
But in the end it's just another break up. And happiness truly is hard to find, so if this makes him happy, then that's what matters.

So life goes on. In a month everything will go back to exactly how it was before and i'll be just that much stronger.

I'd say so much more, but my poor aching brain is slowly drifting to my dreams ~where happiness is easy and love is real.
I'll continue this next time.


~Pain is just a simple compromise.

Pride rock; Freedom!

Pride.
It's something we grow up with. Yet it's something that we don't care about 'till we're old enough to understand what it actually means. It's something we witness the swallowing of almost every day.
Bite your tongue = Swallow your pride.
I've bitten my cheek before to save me from screwing everything up.
Pride. What is it really?
To me, pride means to love yourself. As you are. It's to be proud of everything you stand for. It means to be proud of every aspect of you, and only you. You can take pride in other people, be proud of things they've done.
But in the end pride comes down to Y-O-U. It's how YOU feel about yourself.
Me? I'm proud of everything I've ever done. Every mistake I've ever made, everything thought I've ever developed.
I live with no regrets.
Sure, there's a few things i would like to change, but i don't regret doing them. I don't regret them actually happening.
Everything that's ever happened in my life has contributed to making me the amazing (mature) person i am today (including every single imperfection about me).
This year, i truly discovered what pride is.
To me, Pride is simply being content with yourself exactly the way you are. No matter what. You get to be proud of yourself. For being YOU, through thick in thin. In this modern day, it's easy to lose yourself amongst the crowds, and sometimes you do. But stick it through and in the end, you discover who you really are and what you can be if you just see that you are PERFECT.
Nothing needs to change about you as long as YOU see the perfection in your own heart, mind and soul.
However, there is a difference between being proud, and cocky.
Being proud, you love yourself, being cocky is flaunting it in ever way possible.
Keep in mind, that with pride, comes a whole new aspect of respect. Don't let yourself get cocky with your pride,(otherwise you might just end up in the dumpster behind your school)
Understand that in society, EVERYTHING YOU DO IS JUDGED. And you can't change that. So simply walk around with your head held high in that way that lets everyone know, I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM. And if someone tries to mess with you, simply laugh at them. They don't deserve the time of day if they're going to judge you, without even knowing you. And you're already content with who you are, you don't need anyone trying to change that. It's hard enough to get to that content state anyways. But gladly it's not impossible.
Pride. Acquire it.
.                 .                 .
12 day left! EEEP.
School starts in simply TWELVE days! And I'm so excited!! A new school that's truly fit for someone like me.
Photography and Vocals are the two electives i'm hoping to take! This school, with so many people i love, will hopefully allow me to strive socially, academically, and just become an all around better student/person.
It's a new(ish) start for me and i'm gonna utilize it. I can't wait.
Summer has actually started to bore me. These days that i spend hours and hours on the xbox, tend to get a little old.
I've seen every movie i own about a thousand times, and anyone i truly want to hang with is out of town, or i've already seen them enough. (I tend to get tired of being around some people after a while)
So I'm looking forward to a new school, with some new people, new teachers...AH! Everything is changing there c: And i absolutely LOVE it. I'm so happy.
But these endless two months leading up to this wondrous school which beckons me constantly, have become quite the bore.
Suddenly, i find myself wishing for these twelve days to go by faster, so i don't have to suffer in these houses anymore ~for i might go insane~
Finally, FREEDOM.
I'm gonna walk into this school, with my head held high, and take anything and everything life throws at me this year.
I'm prepared <3 br="br">For.
I.
Am.
PROUD.



Quote:
~"...and look into these eyes of love, with eyes of love..." ~ Anonymous.

Safety First.

Aleigha.
Jake.
John.
Arden.
And even my own mother.
All people I've had to convince, not to kill themselves.
A total of 7 hours of my life I've spent hoping, begging, pleading, with every last fiber of my being.
A total of 3 hours, that changed me forever, when i was 8 years old.
Last night i was on the phone till 6 a.m. with my friend, Arden. I'm doing everything in my power to keep him alive right now. But he's always been one stubborn son of a bitch.
But today I'm going to spend all day with him and do my best to be there for him.
But that's not what this journal is about. This journal is about everything that comes along with these circumstances.
It's about the pain, the fear, the sadness. It's about life and death.
And neither is ever good enough.
The pain of life. The fear of death. The sadness of letting go. I was never good at letting go.
People constantly talk about the pain it takes to be happy. But who ever said happiness was easy? Happiness is never something external. Never. Happiness only exists within your own mind, soul, body. And with every pain in life, every heart break, hell anything that's ever caused you any amount of pain. That's the pain you get to use to create your own happiness, within yourself.
There's always a time when it seems like there's nothing left. Like there's nothing to hang on to. Like there's nothing to live for.
But take a look around. You're never completely alone. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. You're never alone. There is ALWAYS going to be that person to grab your leg after you've made that devastating jump. That person who tackles you to the ground one millisecond before that trigger gets pulled. That one person who walks in the door before that knife hits your heart.
And that's what you live for. You live for that person. For those people who love you no matter what. For those people who accept you as you are. And yes, everyone wants true happiness, and maybe death is the only way to achieve it. But no actions go without reactions. And if you're ready to leave, think about this:
Every one you've ever loved.
Gone in one second.
Every memory you've every had,
Gone in one second.
Everything you've ever lived for and everything you ever will live for. That's what matters.
Those people, they love you. And love, is unconditional.
Those people, ARE your reason for living.
If you take your life, everyone's going to be thinking "Who's next?"
And it might very well be that person that you've never wanted to give up everything for you. It might very well be that person you cared for and so desperately wanted to move on.
There are not never consequences. And though you may achieve true happiness within death, think about everyone else. How you affect them, and their future.
Everything changes with one second.
Everything changes forever.