Safety First.

Aleigha.
Jake.
John.
Arden.
And even my own mother.
All people I've had to convince, not to kill themselves.
A total of 7 hours of my life I've spent hoping, begging, pleading, with every last fiber of my being.
A total of 3 hours, that changed me forever, when i was 8 years old.
Last night i was on the phone till 6 a.m. with my friend, Arden. I'm doing everything in my power to keep him alive right now. But he's always been one stubborn son of a bitch.
But today I'm going to spend all day with him and do my best to be there for him.
But that's not what this journal is about. This journal is about everything that comes along with these circumstances.
It's about the pain, the fear, the sadness. It's about life and death.
And neither is ever good enough.
The pain of life. The fear of death. The sadness of letting go. I was never good at letting go.
People constantly talk about the pain it takes to be happy. But who ever said happiness was easy? Happiness is never something external. Never. Happiness only exists within your own mind, soul, body. And with every pain in life, every heart break, hell anything that's ever caused you any amount of pain. That's the pain you get to use to create your own happiness, within yourself.
There's always a time when it seems like there's nothing left. Like there's nothing to hang on to. Like there's nothing to live for.
But take a look around. You're never completely alone. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. You're never alone. There is ALWAYS going to be that person to grab your leg after you've made that devastating jump. That person who tackles you to the ground one millisecond before that trigger gets pulled. That one person who walks in the door before that knife hits your heart.
And that's what you live for. You live for that person. For those people who love you no matter what. For those people who accept you as you are. And yes, everyone wants true happiness, and maybe death is the only way to achieve it. But no actions go without reactions. And if you're ready to leave, think about this:
Every one you've ever loved.
Gone in one second.
Every memory you've every had,
Gone in one second.
Everything you've ever lived for and everything you ever will live for. That's what matters.
Those people, they love you. And love, is unconditional.
Those people, ARE your reason for living.
If you take your life, everyone's going to be thinking "Who's next?"
And it might very well be that person that you've never wanted to give up everything for you. It might very well be that person you cared for and so desperately wanted to move on.
There are not never consequences. And though you may achieve true happiness within death, think about everyone else. How you affect them, and their future.
Everything changes with one second.
Everything changes forever.